Wednesday, November 05, 2008

things could be..

Marvelous. A relatively happy sounding song, especially the techno dance mix that’s reminiscent of my high school days. Well, it’s happy sounding until you hear the lyrics… Then you realize that it’s kind of fucked up. Kind of like my life. Maybe it’s appropriate that this song is running around in my head even though I haven’t heard it since I was in high school.

“Oh you hope to fit, but you're fit to drop / So open up the window and jump into the blue / Things could be marvelous, things could be fabulous /
Oh do you need a push, I'll push you off / Open up the window and jump into the blue / Things could be marvelous soon / Oh you hate to hit till you hit the top / Open up the window and jump into the blue / Things could be marvelous, things could be fabulous soon / Oh well these are the days and this is the life / There'll always be something on your mind / You'll never quite find / Won't you ever make your mind up / Now you'll never be sure if this is the time / If this is the moment, the end of the line / You'll never decide / You used to know but now you've forgotten / The submarine got stuck to the bottom / These are the days so wake up ‘cause this is the time / And you know I'm right”


I’m perplexed. I feel as if I’m being taunted by some unknown past defeat. Somehow i still haven't figured out how to pick myself up. But I don't know what defeated me or how I was defeated... I'm aware of it but just barely. It lurks at the edges of my subconscious. It’s holding me back. And until I figure out what it was/is, and how to defeat it, I’ll stay (t)here.

This is the moment. This is the time. I need to figure this out. I’m tired of being stuck to the bottom. It’s time for a new chapter. If I can turn the page then maybe… Things just might be marvelous.