What if?

have you ever wondered...
what if? it's a big fuckin' question.. but what if... what if you had done just one thing differently? what if you had tried something else? what if you had given somebody else a chance? what if you said something differently? what of you'd not said anything at all? what if you could see what it may have been like if you had taken that other chance? even if you could only experience it for a short moment but then you would have to go back to the way things were before? would you do it? what if it left you longing for a life that you could never have? would you still do it?

what i'm here for...

ok so as another day slips by i realize yet another thing that separates me from the rest of my fellow photographers. i am not on these modeling sites sending out messages saying"omg! i love your eyes! i love your physique.. wow, you are gorgeous! i would love to work with you!" etc... etc... i'm not here to boost up their egos. make them think that they deserve to be placed above the rest of society when in all honesty, i meet more gorgeous people in the streets on a regular basis. do i need them in my book? to a degree. yes. but for the most part. no. it's nice to shoot people who want to be shot but at the same time i refuse to run up behind them and kiss their asses making them think that they are something more than they really are.
it also hurts to watch my classmates do this. they need us. i need cash. yet these so-called and self proclaimed models have it completely twisted.. this thought is incomplete... it's late. more later.

1:50 a.m.

ok so it's almost 2 o'clock in the morning and where am i? i'm at school. at school, in the lab, scanning photos. i do this everyday. i work in the lab. i'm here on my days off. and here i am. at 2 o'clock in the morning. in the lab. i either have no life, or i am extremely dedicated to what i do.