Friday, January 18, 2008

Confessions & Questions...

because this is long overdue...

disclaimer: i'm talking to you, you, and you but not you, you, or you.

i guess a good way to start would be to say "i'm sorry". but let's be real. i'm not. i did it because i could. you were never supposed to find out. maybe someday you'll learn how to keep your nose out of places that it doesn't belong. i never really liked you. i should've said no. on several occasions. i did it for you though. no one else would. you never trusted me. why?
i never should've left. i gave you everything. you left me with nothing. i wish you could free yourself. i wish you valued yourself as much as you value them. at the same time i wish i valued them the way you did. i envy you. i hate the fact that i'm alone, completely alone.


i've been falling apart for years. i've hit the ground far to many times. the tape, it's wearing thin. all i want to do is fly. or at least feel like i am. i just want to feel like how i felt when i was around you.

maybe i tried to hard. i've lost my drive. i've given up. mentally. my heart, it won't. you (would) view my behaviour as reckless. really i'm just trying to make it beat just as fast and as hard as it did when i was with you. or make it stop all together. maybe that stint on christmas was a failed attempt.